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StaleMate

stalemateI was adored once too. Before I spent my time with my head in my hands. Before I was flabby and foolish and frowned. I had hair back then, you know. Masses of dark curls that she loved. And a full set of teeth. And the brightest of eyes. ‘Cornflower blue’, she called them.

Her own were amber, gold flecked like a deer’s and her hair was fair, the colour of corn. When she smiled her eyes lit up and when she laughed her hair fell forward in mesmerising waves.

We weren’t all that young together but we were far from old. When I think of her now, I remember daffodils and daisies, bluebells and butterflies, roses and ragweed. The bones of one long lovely summer, that’s all we lasted for all our love. Happy, yes, but hurried too. She, keen to get away. Me, wanting to stay put forever.

She moved on in the end though I stood stiller than ever. Stubborn as a mule. An alabaster statue. A miserable mí-ádh of a moonface content to let the world spin round him.

How could I blame her for running away? Who could stay and adore a stalemate of a fellow like that?

Fond of the Bed

bedHe got up first thing. He did the washing and the ironing and the cooking and the cleaning.
She didn’t get up.

He did the shopping. Went round Tescos with a trolley not meeting one he knew and popped into the butcher and the bakers for a few bits and bobs to please her.

She still didn’t get up.

He nipped out to the chapel to light a candle to Our Lady. Passing the travel agents on the way home, he thought about booking a holiday for them.

She might just get up for that.

It was nine days now, him serving her up a bedful of breakfasts and dinners and teas she hardly touched.

And she refusing to get up.

The days rolled round like that. Him perched pathetically on the side of the bed. She in no mood for his coaxing.

He did his best, kept up a routine the way the doctor told him. Busied himself all day and set the alarm like clockwork every evening hoping against hope she’d be up before him in the morning.

She hadn’t a clue what he was going through. She was in hell herself, you see. Pure hell.

Fantasy

fantasyThe castle on the hill she promised herself when she grew ripe and rich and married into royalty. That was the first fantasy. She was 8 years old, and reading a lot of fairytales, it must be said when she conjured that one up.

The twins, he blond like her and she, dark like her daddy, a smiling couplet. That was the last fantasy. She was 40 plus (21 again she told her friends), and longing for a family, it must be said, when she conjured that one up.

It was all a bit of a laugh, wasn’t it? Ironic, I suppose, you’d call it. The husband and children she’d taken it for granted she’d be privy to turning out to be the real fantasy in the finish.

The castle on the hill. That was obtainable these days if you really wanted to sell your soul to developers. But, the children, they were lost to her, weren’t they, no matter how often she put her heart out for hire?

Life was funny wasn’t it? It really truly was.

Phil & Bid

country-comfort-visionartPhil and Bid, 50 years married this Spring, were two if the oldest ducks in the parish of Kilmacreehy.

They lived a gentle life in a cottage by the sea, busying themselves as old folks do who are content with their lot. But some things tested them, of course they did, the weather most of all. The change in the flood plain the moody climate brought left their low-lying fields saturated and their house under threat.

Joe Godde & Son, Drainage Consultants, that’s who they called out in the end when push came to shove and they couldn’t go out back without wellington boots for the flooding.

They settled on a Tuesday. Bid dialled the number before handing the receiver over to Phil. She stood close by reassuringly.

At her nod, he replied, ‘Good enough so. Tuesday it is’.

They were up first thing, the two of them come Tuesday, getting the fire going and egging on the range, dusting the ashes off the tumble-down sofa and polishing pots and pans. Phil went to the garden for potatoes and cabbage and rhubarb while Bid put a cut of salty bacon on the boil.

It was well after 1 before the Goddes came, the father and son in their blue Hiace. They went at the problem straightaway. Phil supervised from inside the front window relaying a blow by blow account of events back to Bid in the kitchen.

‘They’ve every kind of measure out whatever they’re up to’.

The mens’ hands were filthy when they finally came in. Bid set out a basin of Lifebuoy soaped water and one of the fresh towels she hid away with a few other necessaries for any hint of the hospital.

Meanwhile Phil was already reaching for the Christmas sherry and pouring out a dropeen each as he gestured towards the settee.

‘Sit down, sit down’, he ushered them along.

They were in the centre of the room before they knew it, the father and son. They’d never seen the likes of the welcome.

‘You’ll eat with us’ Bid insisted ‘sure isn’t it ready there now’.

The Goddes gave in good-naturedly, leaned back into their seats and enjoyed their drinks. They answered questions and asked a few too while Phil coaxed a foldaway table to life, levelling its shaky leg with a cut of well-worn cardboard and Bid busied herself gathering forks and knives and plates and cups.

The dinner was served in its own good time. A platter of freshly chopped cabbage, bowls of floury potatoes and a joint of bacon ready for the chop. They lashed real butter and inches of salt over everything and were great company, the history they had. Rhubarb tart and mugs of hot sweet tea finished the feast.

There was just enough light still left in the sky after they had eaten their fill to go outside to discuss the drainage problem. They were a while getting ready, the old pair, all elbows and thumbs, stiffly donning wellingtons and slowly buttoning coats.

The Goddes were experts in their field. Anyone could see that. They produced diagrams of high-tech drainage systems and gave a definite diagnosis and a final figure.

‘The damage’ they called it.

‘A big job’, they said, ‘but worth every penny. You won’t know yourselves when we’re finished. You’ll be in heaven altogether’.

Phil and Bid took less than a minute to decide their fate. The men were persuasive. Heaven sounded good. After that it was handshakes all round.

Then the Goddes headed for the hills in their Hiace leaving the two old ducks in their wake, waddling and waving as the sun set over the bay.

Snapshot

snapshotAdam & Eve, summer skinned twins
looked into the eyes of the sea
and saw who….

The ghost of a drowning man,
A living girl’s lost relic,
Their own reflections in the water,
Sand-flecked smiles and sulks.

Adam & Eve, summer skinned twins
looked into the mouth of the sea
and saw what….

Fish they were afraid of,
Foam they frolicked in,
an abandoned flip-flop,
and bits of broken sand-buckets.

Adam & Eve, summer skinned twins
looked into the heart of the sea
and saw why….

They were hugged by the horizon
at the precise age they were,
a boy and a girl with the same soul
frozen in time for ever more.

A snapshot if ever there was one.

For the Birds

WindowHe started off as a baby robin. Chubby and chirpy and cheery, the youngest of a crowd of girls, pimped and preened to within an inch of his life. Later he would become a swallow, anxious for travel, returning home like a breath of fresh air, the whiff of the seven seas on him, heralding every holiday.

When the first girl he ever loved left him high and dry, he was a wild seabird for a bit, heading off to exposed places to cry out his sorrow on his own. He turned into a swan after that, lonely and proud. Those who didn’t know him called him arrogant.

He soon gave into his flock of a family, tired of the isolation and went in search of humanity. He had some successes in life, soaring to great heights as the best of blackbirds does. He had some failures too that experience taught him to take on the chin like a hopeful thrush holding out for brighter times.

He could feel the bluebird of happiness flying over his head the day a magpie of a girl with a lilting voice stole his heart but gave him back her own. They were as proud as two peacocks waltzing down the aisle on their wedding day and prouder again the morning their little hummingbird was born, struggling into life with the dawn chorus.

His wife was the best mother hen he knew clucking contentedly over their little chick, but he knew it was up to him the dogged old rooster to keep things on an even keel.  Still, there were days when life let him be a swallow again, standing in front of his daughter, flapping his wings to show her the way. The girl grew up a rare nightingale of a bird, her wings unclipped, her spirit free. Her parents were always on her side, two merry old owls delighted to hear of her adventures.

As he aged and aged, part of him became a lonely old gull again, wondering where the time had gone. As luck would have it, most days when he looks in the mirror, he sees a good humoured old jackdaw of a man, half blind, half deaf, half crippled, but on balance, content with his lot, a warm little robin’s heart still fluttering away inside.

Follow your Nose

NoseJosie was local. She knew the smell of outside things. The early morning sap rising up out of the trees in Major’s Wood, cool bog cotton travelling on the back of a breeze from Curragh and freezing the backside off of you any day it saw fit, the curative stench of seaweed all the way over in Bárrtra, a shower of rain marching in on the waves from Liscannor.

She knew the smell of inside things too. Her hot breath on the morning pillow, the draft in the hallway hitting her square in the face with its pang,  a waft of Johnsons Baby Powder in the bathroom, last night’s lukewarm ashes pollinating the fireside, a Zip firelighter sulphuring up a bit of briquette, porridge sticking to the side of the saucepan.

She knew the smell of Rory best of all. His rangy red-setter coat carrying sweet fresh air into the room with him camouflaging  the shock of his meaty breath as she bent down to greet him.  Not the usual breed for a guide dog but her guide dog nonetheless.

He brought her beyond the humdrum smells, Rory did, into the heart and soul of the world.

When they went out together to the nearest town, she smelled exotic smells these days, erotic ones too. Sugar and spice and all things nice, husky, musky perfumes and fresh fruity flavours from the four corners of the globe.

Cosmopolitan, that’s what Ireland was now when even the small market town near home could produce such aromas of splendour.

God be with the days when the odours were much more down to earth. The damp and dirt and dung a fair day left after it. The foul smelling fish at Stack’s Corner following you all the way up Parliament Street, lingering with the stench of last night’s greasy chips and porter and the residue of vomit the excesses of the two combined often resulted in.

Josie was a different person then, a busy being with no real time to dwell on smells. Her eyes led her senses those days where now it was her nose.

‘You’ve a good nose Josie’, she remembered her grandmother telling her, ‘follow your nose and you’ll come to no harm’…..

Birdsong

clair_de_luneHe lived in a cage deep in her heart, the little bird. Led the quietest of lives in there. Had good times and bad times like everyone and hopes and dreams and worries and fears like them too.

On the best of days he busied himself as birds do, content with his lot. He was prone to flights of fancy. You know how it is. Imagining himself out in the world. Safe in the arms of an apple blossom tree. Music surrounding him. Debussy maybe, Debussy at dusk. He’d die happy, so he would, he chuckled to himself.

And not only chuckled but twittered and tweeted and tootled, marching her heart along to a steady drum. They were close then, in tune with the upbeat songs he sang, harmonious even.

But along came the bad days. Dives of despair. You know how it is, when he was more like a moody mare than a bonny bird. He flapped and fussed and frowned then, a frown that didn’t suit him, doing his utmost to escape his fate.

Her heart raced when he was like this. Pounded and palpitated so that she had to sit down tight and lay her hand over it, pleading with him to be still. Sometimes in temper he rattled the cage so hard it sent her whole body into a spasm. He frightened her then, freaked her out even. There was no calming him in these moods.

She was advised to see a man about him in the end, a reluctant trek she hated making. She was all out against the man. She felt as though she was betraying the little bird she’d known from birth. She wore a long face in the waiting room, a face that didn’t suit her.

But they were blessed the man they met. He had kind eyes and clever hands and a well practised professional pallor. He set their minds at ease the minute they saw him. On top of that, he had the skills to set them both free. The girl whose heart had been troubled by the bird and the bird who had his torments too.

He was ever so gentle, the man, coaxing the bird out of his coop of a cage with a baritone voice and leaving him free to fly round the girl’s heart in even flaps as he wished. He never once hurt the girl but buoyed her up if anything. Put the colour back in her cheeks and added a spring to her step.

‘There are no limits now’, he reassured her, ‘go live your life to the full’.

She shook his hand with a smile, happy to let him hold on for a little longer than necessary. And if the bird felt a flutter when their eyes locked tight, well, he never said a word ….

All is fair….

leonardoShe was expecting a swashbuckling romantic hero on horseback even, with long dark locks and a noble nose and piercing grey eyes. She was expecting romance and adventure and passion and pure unbridled joy. She was expecting love and loyalty and devotion and daring, the stuff that 19th century novels are made of. She pictured herself a willing heroine, destined to be his one and only. She was very clear about her vision of true love.

But when Cupid came calling, she got you instead. No horse, no heroics, not even much in the line of romance. No dark princely looks either – a Celtic complexion with a pair of glasses atop an unremarkable face and sticky out ears and a crooked nose that can never fully decide on its fate.

And yet, despite all, she loves you well. Sees you in a good light whatever you wear, whatever you say. Sticks up for you whoever criticises, whoever complains. Enjoys your company however it is. She always laughs at your jokes too, even the worst of them.

She smiles with you and for you and you return those smiles threefold. You’ve a lovely smile, she says, one that lights up your whole face. Those swashbuckling romantic heroes never smile, do they?  That’s where you won out, isn’t it – ha, take that Casanova!

The facts of life

‘Nurse Casey, she’s the one what brings them. Everyone knows that’.
‘Who?’
‘Nurse Casey, Angela, I think her first name is. You know the small woman with the funny voice. Drives a red starlet. Wears her hair up in a bun. Always has a skirt on and a fancy scarf round her neck. Smells of lavender powder, she does, and polo mints and cats. C’mon you must know her. Carries her baby bag everywhere she goes’.
‘Her what?’
‘Her baby bag, you jackdaw, the one she brings the babies in to our mas like’.
‘What?’
‘Our mas. They go up to O’Briens Bridge so they do when they’re ready like to have a babby. Nurse Casey meets them up there and gives over a child’
‘She does not’.
‘She does too. Everyone knows it. If there’s pink in the sky, early morning or late evening, your ma’ll get a girl. But if there’s more blues in the sky, it’s always a boy’.
‘No way’.
‘Yes way. Ask your ma, she’ll tell you….’

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